The World Race - Jess Johnson - hear the call

Stuffed and still hungry

Sun, 7 Mar 2010 00:00:00 GMT

We are just about half way through the World Race now with 6 more months to go! I miss my friends and family but I also love the changes and the challenges, the learning and the laughs, the healing and the hunger for more; more of God, more truth, more healing, more humility, more grace, more love. I know that there is more out there and I want all that God desires to give to me.

While I long for more in the next half of the Race, I am abundantly grateful for all that God has done for me in this first half. I'd like to share some of the changes that are being worked out, some of the lessons I have learned and some of the the things that I have come to appreciate about home so far.

I have learned...

how to "sit" properly so that I don't pee on my jeans when using a squatty.

not to trust vendors who tell me everything is chicken.

to check every nook and cranny of a bus, plane, or room before leaving it! I have "donated" something of value or importance in every country so far.

how to bargain for anything without a sticker price.

to back up pictures and videos! You never know when a tree will knock your backpack off a mini bus and leave your computer hard drive in tiny pieces.not to scratch mosquito bites...resisting for few minutes prevents hours of incessant scratching later.

that a smile, patience and good attitude can both prevent and resolve almost any negative situation.

life is easier when you accept that its not always going to go the way you expect.

words have power. Choose what you say about others and yourself very carefully.

more than just smiles are universal. Things like violence, mercy, injustice, courage, jealousy, self-sacrifice, heartbreak, joy, hatred and love exist in every single nation.

God will answer you if you ask Him to change your life, so make sure you really mean it if you ask. (And if you do, it'll be the best thing that ever happened to you!)

Things that have changed:

my haircut.....the word "trim" does not translate.

my tolerance for spices....anything without a little chili powder seems bland now.

my belief in the effectiveness of antiperspirants.

I can sit and read and not feel like I should be something else "more productive."

I wake up and read the Bible, not because I know I should but because I want to.

I pray believing that God hears me, that He cares and that it makes a difference.

thinking more about others than myself is less of a chore and more of a joy.

being closed up and walled off to avoid pain, rejection or abandonment is becoming a thing of the past.

the belief that perfection is a prerequisite for love is slowly fading away. I am loved and lovable as is (AND SO ARE YOU!)

I have dreams now! And I believe that they are possible!

I will/now appreciate from back home.....

the low cost of Peanut M&M's.

public bathrooms that are free and have toilet paper.

the feeling and fit of clothes that have been put in an electric dryer.

desserts that taste as good as they look (not common in Asia).

watching the Packers play on Monday night (sorry for neglecting you these last few seasons guys.)

multiple, big, fluffy, soft pillows.

homemade lasagna and hot coffee after a cold day out on the slopes.

taking pictures with my friends, not just seeing pictures of them.

watching my little bro try to dance and lip-synch to country songs he doesn't know all the words to.

crazy accents and sharing inside jokes with my big bro (no one makes me laugh like you do you Big Meanie.)

a hug from my mom after having a bad day and the right words she always has to say.

seeing the look in my Dad's eye when he calls me beautiful (I know that you mean it.)

going to my Pa with questions about plants, trees, gardens, farming, cooking, animals, bites, stings, heartbreak (you really are one of the wisest people I know.)

I cannot wait to start the next half of the Race in a new continent, armed with a new perspective. Looking at these lists, I know that God has heard my prayers and I am confident that He is going to continue His good work in me.... for the rest of the Race, for the rest of my life. I am no longer afraid of the process of change or the unpredictability of the future. I no longer fear the ways of God or His love. I welcome it! I run after it. God you can have all of me, everything.
I am yours for now, for always!

Thailand....Take Two

Sat, 6 Mar 2010 00:00:00 GMT

This past month all of our teams split up across three different countries: Cambodia, Vietnam and Thailand. Through many hours of prayer we felt that God was leading our team (REV 217) back to Thailand to the northern most province called Chiang Rai. Even though we were somewhat disappointed about not going to Vietnam, we trusted God's plan and booked our bus trip up north.....at least it'd be cooler up there, which is no small blessing in my book! :) Here are a few videos that my teammates made about some of the things that we did in the 2 1/2 weeks that we were in Chiang Rai, proving that God had many good things in store for us and work to be done...

This one Erika made from our weekend in the Lahu hill tribe village where we were invited to attend a wedding:

Life in the Village from Brad Baldwin on Vimeo.

This next video Nicole made about our time teaching English classes at the church. We had no idea how to teach English since we had never done it before but God helped us through it and things came together. We were able to build relationships and have a few good laughs about our cultural differences and the pronunciation of words like right, short, ugly, and weather. I really loved it. It felt so good to be back in a classroom and placed in a teaching position again! I also have a whole new level of understanding of just how confusing and difficult our language is.

Turn Light at the Right... from Nicole Ricketts on Vimeo.

I Have a Dream....Do You?

Wed, 24 Feb 2010 00:00:00 GMT

Growing up I don't really remember having big dreams for myself. I think that I was more of a realist even as a child. Having to move all the time helped me learn rather quickly that things are always changing, the future is unpredictable and you just never know what you're going to get so don't set your heart on anything...chances are that it won't really turn out the way that you hoped. I lost the desire to dream, believing it better to not dream at all than to want something and be let down. As a result, I have never really put much thought into the future.... I've just taken things year by year - no real end goal in mind, no big dream to strive after.

When I first discovered the World Race I was so excited about the possibilitiy being able to travel and serve God. However, I immediately wrote it off thinking, surely it can't be real. Things this good just don't exist. I could never do that. It's just too cool. It's something that the person I want to be would do, not me. It wasn't until months later when I met another girl going on the Race that I actually allowed myself to consider the possibility. I cearly remember asking my mom, "Mom, do you really think that I could do this?" Her enthusiasm and support gave me the spark I needed..... And here I am, more than a year later, realizing my dream of traveling the world and serving God and the nations. This was the first time that I allowed myself to dream big, to live outside of the norm, to think of the possibilities and not just the reality. I knew it was going to be hard but God has been there every step of the way.

And now, while on the Race, I have a new dream. It's even bigger than the Race and I'm allowing myself to actually consider it. It is not as big as Martin Luther King Jr's dream but hey, I'm new at this so cut me some slack. I've already spent nights lying awake until the wee hours of the morning thinking about how it might play out, allowing myself to dream about the possibilties while also thinking about the reality of the trials that would come from pursuing this dream. It certainly would not come without resistance. It would be anything but easy to see this dream realized, but at the same time, wouldn't that mean it would totally worth it if/when it does actually happen? I truly believe so. I also believe that God will never call you to something that He doesn't intend to see you through. Learning all of this is making me even more excited about the dreams that God is going to give me that I can't even attempt to imagine right now.... dreams much bigger than just my personal circumstances; dreams for my family, local churches, states, and whole nations!

Let it be known that I have decided that dreaming big is much more fun and exciting than being a realist! There is much to be said for being down to earth but there is even more to be said for allowing God to take hold of your life and take you to places that you never allowed yourself to dream about. And the coolest part? For me, it is the fact that God has an amazing way of looking into your heart, seeing what it truly desires, and then giving it to you... but in a much bigger and better way than you would have gotten it on your own. He'll even give you desires of your heart that you are not fully aware of. It is something that He takes great pleasure in.

SO DREAM BIG PEOPLE!!

Be as a child and allow God to take hold of your imagination. Trust Him with the real desires of your heart. He will not be flippant about it or give you a stone when you ask for bread. Nothing is too big for Him. He can handle anything that you throw at Him. I mean, come on, He's God! I believe that you (the person reading this) have in inkling in your heart, a secret longing for something you truly want to do or to become the person you really want to be - the person God created you to be. Maybe it seems impossible, or it would mean a pay cut or that you would have to move or that you would leave some family or that you would have to go back to school or give up a great job or end a relationship or move with your family - maybe it'll mean looking like a fool to those you love the most or seeming irrational or irresponsible.........

GO FOR IT ANYWAY!! TRUST GOD!

HE WILL NEVER LET YOU DOWN!

If you are like me and have trouble dreaming, ask God to give you a dream. It is a prayer that He will be more than happy to answer. Let go and enjoy the ride!

Dear Home, This one's for you! Love, Jess

Sat, 13 Feb 2010 00:00:00 GMT

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!

Thank You so much for all of your love and support, without which I could never be here, doing this Race, living my dream and pursuing the very Author of Love! You mean everything to me! Words cannot capture all that I feel so I tried to tell you in the best way that I know how.....Pictures! This is your Valentine's Day gift from me to YOU!

My Treasure from Jessica Johnson on Vimeo.

(Ps. Not every person I love is represented here...I had limited means for obtaining pictures. There are many more that belong in this video...you know who you are and I love You dearly!)

Our Cambodian Destiny (Video)

Sun, 7 Feb 2010 00:00:00 GMT

In case you were wondering exactly what we were doing in Cambodia, I'll give you a little run down of the things that we worked on. First of all we were totally blessed by our contact named Pat who offered up her spare rooms to us so that we could save some money and have a place that felt more homey. It was amazing to have our own little kitchen and bathrooms and a real table to eat at.....with actual chairs to sit on!! (In Asian culture, most families spread out a mat and sit on the floor for meals....and meetings....and sleeping....and working. Furniture in general isn't super high up on the list of priorities.)

Brad spent countless hours cleaning up, synching up, and organizing laptops and desk tops for Pat and the DR center. He also survived many trials and tribulations....but overcame....while creating teaching resources for the teachers to use. There is a huge shortage of Khmer books for kids so Brad had to get english children's books translated, copied, printed, and stapled using third world equiptment which operated at a third world rate. It got so bad he ended up annointing the printer with oil and praying over it! (You might laugh but it never had a single issue after that.)

Destiny Rescue operates partially off of people who sponsor individual children (much like Compassion or World Visison) so part of their responsibility is to track down the children, interview them, and provide the sponsor with updates. Erika got these updates all caught up by interviewing almost a hundred kids and sending off the info to the home base in Australia! Sister worked hard and came back with some pretty funny and heartbreaking stories. I highly reccommend that you read her two blogs: A Story Worth Telling and A nation rebuilding itself

There are 7 teen girls who also work at the center making jewelry and nylon butterflies. The girls have been making these butterflies but had no idea what to use them for so they were just piling up in a closet. Nicole went above and beyond the call of duty by creating a new product for the girls to make and sell in order to earn money and learn business skills. The money earned and the skills learned helps them avoid a life of prostitution which is very common in Cambodia. Together, she and Pat decided to make gift tags and attach the butterflies to them since that portion of the Destiny Rescue mission is titled "Rescued - giving them back their wings." So now the girls have a sellable product and a whole business operating scheme that they can keep in motion long after we leave!

Will put his handy-man skills to work by fixing a number of tables for the children at the learning center and the daycare center, hanging up pictures, fixing various plumbing problems and rigging up mosquito nets in the house! He also spent his time forming a solid relationship with one of the local men named Touch. He is 22 years old and makes money from a small barbering business. I also highly recommend that you read his blogs about Touch which are sure to tug at your heart strings! His blogs are: Meet My Barber and Meet My Barber II

Lastly, I spent a good deal of the time creating new broshures for the Learning Center and the Daycare Center and taking pictures for the video below. Pat's desire was to have more promotional matieral to hand out to people passing through and generate interest in DR Cambodia back in Australia. It was a tough job getting pictures of all those adorable kids but hey, somebody had to do it! :) Though we had little time to get to know them they loved us like we had been there for years. Whenever we walked into their classrooms we were greeted with dozens of happy "HELLO's", handshakes, high-fives, and hugs! They were definitely the bright spot of each day. Here is a peek at some of the faces that greeted us every morning....

Cambodia - Captured moments...Captured hearts from Jessica Johnson on Vimeo.

Also, for your viewing pleasure.....this is a video created by one of our Squad Leaders Weston Belkot. Worth your time!

Cambodia by Bike from Weston Belkot on Vimeo.

The Truth and other things people don't like to talk about

Wed, 3 Feb 2010 00:00:00 GMT

Jesus gave us the greatest commandment and it's no wonder that it happens to be the one that we break most often, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength and the second is like it; love your neighbor as yourself." We really are terrible at it; our default setting in nearly every difficult or challenging situation is to consider self first.

No one likes to admit that they are struggling to love someone they are supposed to or with the fact that they themselves are being unlovable - that sounds strong but sometimes, often times, we make it difficult for others to love us. We act selfish, we're rude or short-tempered, we're stubborn and resist change, we're prideful and refuse to accept help, we're judgmental and expect everyone to do things our way, we demand to be heard yet refuse to listen, we ask for love but choose not to give it, we're messy, inconsiderate, vain, proud, hard-hearted and stiff-necked. Rather than admit that we are fallen individuals, we like to blame others, avoid the subject, justify our actions and stubbornly cling to our rights to be whom and what we are. We demand of everyone, love me for who I am but here's what you need to change.... I don't feel any sense of hypocrisy in writing this because it is the truth and because this is my story. This is me.

God revealed this the other day while I was "journal processing" as I like to call it. I'll share my entry but don't judge me, ok J:

"I'm having a hard time conrolling my negative thoughts - mostly about my teammates. Maybe because we're spending so much time together it's becoming easier to identify their faults and easier to become irritated or offended by them. The real problem though is that they are not the real problem. I am. I believe that the things that I imagine I don't like about them are really a reflection of the things I don't like about myself. They are a mirror to me. If my thoughts [about my team] were so righteous I would not feel so defensive or hostile because of them. I would not feel such a desire to tear down and destroy. My desire to destroy comes from a deeper desire to remove the mirror. I don't want to face myself and the things in me that need to change. "

God confirmed the truth of this, when I read this verse the next day in my devotions: "As in water face reflects face, so the heart of man reflects man." Ouch. Seeing yourself and not liking the reflection is quite the blow to the heart and mind.

Speaking of mirrors, I'm quite cynical when it comes to the whole dating scene thing. ...spending hours in front of the mirror, getting all dressed up, and trying to put your best face forward; hide your imperfections so you can reel em in and then crush em with fault after fault when they're all content and unawares. It seems so villainous. I frequently say (and I'm probably wrong) that an ideal way to start a relationship would be to walk up to someone and say, "This is everything that sucks about me. If you think you can deal with that we'll shoot for date number two." The point is that in every relationship (no matter the type), whether right away or a couple of months/years into it, you will have to face the other person's fallen nature, they will have to face yours and you will have to face your own. In that moment you will have to answer two very important questions: Will I choose to love anyway? And am I willing to change my reflection? I believe that the only marriages, friendships, partnerships, or teams that survive are the ones who answer with a Yes, no matter how enthusiastically or begrudgingly.
Change and love after all, are choices.

I believe that this is where we are at as a team. We are being confronted with each others imperfections, idiosyncrasies, and personality differences and it certainly isn't always fun and easy. We can't hide it or run from it any longer. The gig is up. We're starting to step into the reality of human relationships; the beauty and the mess. It can be difficult to communicate, even harder to understand, and harder still to accept what you do understand. We are tempted to be impatient, unkind, jealous, boastful, and arrogant, act unbecomingly, seek our own, become offended, and keep record of wrongs, reject, mistrust, and bail on each other. We are tempted to insist that the mirror change instead of the reflection. With the temptations come those questions: Will we choose to love anyway? Are we willing to change? Through the grace of God, we have all answered the question with a loud, resounding YES!

"This is my commandment, that you love one another,

just as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this,
that one lay down his life for his friends."

"...in reference to your former manner of life, lay aside the old self...

and be renewed in the spirit of your mind, put on the new self,

which in the likeness of God has been created

in righteousness and the holiness of truth."

And now I have to ask myself just one more question, am I capable of really living this way, more importantly, am I capable of loving this way? Can I change my reflection, lay aside the old self, and love others as God has loved me? In my own flesh, using my own efforts? Surely not. I am doomed to fail. Everything in my nature desires the opposite because change and love both require great personal sacrifice. Sacrifice is painful, just ask Jesus. However, "it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me." Is Christ capable? Absolutely. He is the author of love. HE IS LOVE! In this truth I am learning to trust and I glean my courage and strength from the scriptures:

"Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God;

and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God...

by this the love of God was manifested in us, that God has

sent His only begotten Son into the world so that we might live through Him...

if we love one another, God abides in us, and His love is perfected in us....

God is love, and the one who abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him."

"My heart and flesh may fail,

But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."

Table Tops for Tots

Thu, 21 Jan 2010 00:00:00 GMT

Here is a video that my teammate Nicole Ricketts made about the some of the work that we have been doing at our new ministry site in Cambodia. We are currently partnered with an organization called Destiny Rescue which does a number of incredibly good things to serve the local villages in Phnom Penh. We had a great time painting the tables....it was a beautiful sight to see how well our team worked together on them. We couldn't be happier with the final product but the kids' reaction was the BEST part of all!!!

From Bangla Road to Redemption Road: VIDEO

Fri, 15 Jan 2010 00:00:00 GMT

While riding in the front window of a double decker tour bus, chilling out with my ipod and pretending to be on a theme park ride, God gave me an idea for a video for the ministry we were doing on Bangla Road. I still feel very blessed that my team all decided that they would support and participate in the making of this video. I want to send a special shout out to Alana, Maryanne, Annie, Allison, Bethany, Jamie, Celeste, Caiti, Sydnee, April, Erika, and Nicole for your encouragement and excitement!! You all are amazing women! :)

Making this video was humbling in that it was so clear that God was directing every step.
It was a day that I will never forget and I pray that you will be blessed as well. Love you!!

Spiritual Bipolar Disorder

Wed, 13 Jan 2010 00:00:00 GMT

I have tried pretty hard to convince my team that back home I am generally well balanced, stable in my emotions, and usually confident in my intellect. They are having a hard time believing me because ever since coming on the Race I have been the "high-strung/moody" one of the group. My emotions are all over the place, all the time and well, I often leave them wondering what is coming next. I have affectionately diagnosed myself as being spiritually bipolar because it is not so much that my thoughts and emotions about the Race, my team, or the ministries undulate so much as it is my beliefs, thoughts and feelings about God. One day I think He is amazing, loving, good, just and caring - the next I am screaming and crying, full of anger and frustration at His lack of communication or action or at His answers and chosen actions. When my views about God get all out of whack, the rest of me goes haywire as well. God must have giggled when I thought I was all done with that after Guatemala and I feel like a fool for believing that I was making a lot progress. Instead it has been two small steps forward and one leap back (still slightly ahead though).

I've thrown a lot of temper tantrums at God this past month and my overall theme for Thailand has been "I just don't understand." And it's true. There is so much that I just DON'T understand. Part of it is being in a culture that truly is different than Western culture and having to adjust to that isn't always fun. For example: People don't really do the "first come, first served" thing here. They have no problem pushing past you or even calling out their order over your head, especially if you are a "farang" (foreigner)....it can take you 20 minutes to get a cup of coffee!! The concept of a line is brilliant in my humble opinion. But that kind of stuff is easier to get over because I can tell myself that I am visiting their country so it is not my right to have things done the way that I think they should. BUT when it comes to GOD I have a tendency to feel a much larger sense of entitlement. So for days I shook my fist at God and wept with equal amounts of bitterness and desperation.

Nearly every night we walked through the bars in the red light district and I felt rather numb to it all. I expected to feel broken about the women who sell themselves and the men who buy but I really didn't and that made me angry. God, I asked you to help me feel your heart towards these people - why don't I feel anything? Then we started to prayer walk the streets during the day and ask God to point us where He wanted us to go. God, I asked you where to go - why won't you show me? Then we started speaking words of life over each other (13 girls living together). God, I asked you to give me words for my teammates - why do I hear nothing? Then we asked God to give us big dreams for the girls and for Patong as a whole. God, I asked you for a dream - why do I see nothing? Then we would pray for God to give us specific words to speak to the girls in the bars that would open their hearts to receive Him. God, I asked you for words to speak - why do I have nothing to say? God, I'm here, ready to be used by you in any way that you want. I'm not afraid. So why won't you do anything? Why? Why? WHY?!?!

I'm sorry God. I must have disappointed you again. I have screwed something up. I must have angered you. I thought that I was finally starting to get it more. I thought that I was finally wanting the right things for the right reasons but now I'm not so sure. I'm sorry that I don't have more faith. I'm sorry that I don't trust you more. I'm sorry that I have let you down and I'm sorry that I don't believe like others here believe. I'm sorry that I don't know how to hear your voice. I'm so sorry that I don't know how to love you the way that I am supposed to. Please Lord, help me. I don't know where else to turn. I am desperate for answers. I want to please you. I don't want to feel like I do right now. Make it stop.

But He won't make it stop. I want spiritual lithium but we won't prescribe it to me. I want my fix of comfort, control, and stability. Instead I have to go through this. He refuses to let me go numb again. I may hate that I am currently a person of high highs and low lows, that every emotions is felt at a whole new level of intensity, but I have to believe that God has a purpose for it. There must be a reason for His silence and per my last blog about hunting for the heart of God, I will continue to search it out.

I have absolutely no idea as to why He is choosing to have me go through this but what I can tell you is that life is no longer monotonous or dull. Everything is interesting; a new adventure always around the corner. That doesn't mean that it is always fun and enjoyable....in fact most of what I have gone through emotionally and spiritually has been anything but. But I know that God loves an on-fire child. I sometimes imagine Him thinking: Now you are starting to learn how to truly live the way that I created you to live, with passion, depth and purpose. I enjoy watching your heart burn, even if it is with anger towards me or desperation for yourself - you are no longer lukewarm. And no worries love, it'll make more sense in time. But do me a favor? Please don't ever think that you have "gotten it" lest you start to lean on your own understanding, put me back in a box, and cease to seek me out.

PS. I'm still here even when you can't hear me, feel me, or see me. It'll be okay.

Highlights and Thai lights

Wed, 13 Jan 2010 00:00:00 GMT

My last blog might have been kind of depressing so I thought that it would be cool to show you some of the highlights from Thailand because it's not like it was spiritually agonizing all the time. There were some pretty cool things that happened in the bars and there were also some good times with the team over Christmas and New Years.......

To start off with.....there was one things aboutThailand that always made me chuckle and that was the public signs:

* Most of Eastern Europe and Asia employ the use of Squatty Potties (ceramic holes in the floor) instead of Westernized toilets so local people coming in from the villages or outlying suburbs can become confused as to how to use the modern design.

Over Christmas, all the teams left their ministry sites and met back up in Bangkok at the YWAM base in order to spend the holiday together as a whole Squad. We had a blast running around the city, shopping, eating new foods and just hanging out with each other. The girls and guys had been separated for the month due to the nature of our ministry so after weeks of being apart it felt really good to be reunited and have our little family back together again!!

We even got up early on Christmas day to exchange gifts with one another. Will got a t-shirt with Bruce Lee on it because all the kids from Cicrin Orphange called him "Chino Bruce Lee" all month and for Brad we got one that said "Bruce Lee is my Homeboy".... reason being obvious. Nicole even made up a song about our team and sang it to the tune of Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire. I received an eye mask the perfectly expresses how I feel when it comes to the night time hours! (My team is well aware that one of my biggest frustrations is trying sleep with all the noise and lights and people and just everything....) You may also notice that I am holding a fuzzy little friend in my arms and he would be the newest member of our Squad. His name is Hippo the Cow because, well, after long days with little sleep one can become confused by the species of brightly colored stuffed animals in Toys-R-Us in Bangkok, Thailand- so cut me some slack OK!!

Our ministry this month involved going down to the island of Phuket and reaching out to the bar girls who work in the red light district. It was crazy, chaotic, and confusing much of the time but there were some really cool moments as well. We really enjoyed getting to know the girls there and building relationships beyond the "you're just another customer who I feel obligated to entertain" mentality. To do that we spent time playing games like Connect Four and Jenga, which I would caution anyone to challenge us at now since we were trained by the best of the best - these girls play every single night!

One of my favorite girls was Jeab. She is 22 years old and has a 2 year old daughter who is being taken care of by her parents. She has not been back to see her daughter in over 7 months - pretty much since she left her hometown to come and work in the bars. Jeab, being young and newer to the" business" is still quite full of light and life. My prayer is that she can hang on to that while trying to get out of where she is and build a better life for her and her daughter. To keep themselves from falling completely apart, the girls form close relationships with each other and try not to think.........

One pretty cool story that God was very clearly a part of was one involving a young Thai man named Tom. It started with us walking through a street called Soi Loin which is normally off limits during the day, but that particular day we were able to go back and pray through the bars. Nicolce felt the Spirit on her pretty strongly so we went back that night to see what God had in store. We talked to some girls but didn't get far because of the language barrier and their level of intoxication, but before we left Nicole suggested talking to one of the bartenders. We met Tom and he explained how he was recently married and saving up to take his wife ona honeymoon. Tom had only been working there for 10 days - working on one of the darkest streets at one of the loudest bars with many young girls dancing all around....not a good set up for a young newlywed. So we prayed that God would protect him and somehow bring him out of the trap that layed befor him. A couple of nights later, when we returned to the bar with the girls pictured above, who would be behind the bar but Tom, our friend from Soi Lion!!! He came over and we hugged him like we'd known him for years. Tom had decided that the other bar was too loud and crazy so he came to this one instead - the one that we had been visiting almost everynight!! Coinci-dence? Um....I don't think so! God Rocks!

And last, but certainly not least, was our New Years Eve on the beach!! They had more fireworks than I have seen since Thunder Over Louisville when I was 10 and it was completely packed with people all the way up to the shoreline! Some of us decided to welcome in 2010 with a splash so we dove into the Gulf Thailand fully clothed and baptized ourselves in the cool, clean salt water! We also had the opportunity to send off a Thai lantern - letting our light shine in the darkness!

Here's a little video snapshot of our New Years experience created by my teammate Nicole Ricketts:

Take a look at Thailand

Sat, 26 Dec 2009 00:00:00 GMT

A little look at Thailand

"The world of nature bears spectacular witness to the imaginative genius of our Creator." - Phillip Yancey

God Bless

When sleep deprivation kicks in....

Mon, 21 Dec 2009 00:00:00 GMT

So what do you do when you haven't slept more than 6 hours in about 3 days while traveling to the other side of the globe??? Make a video of course!! The world might not find our arrival in Bangkok, Thailand to be newsworthy...but we sure did! :)

Happy Hunting

Mon, 7 Dec 2009 00:00:00 GMT

It is four thirty in the morning; dawn is still lying in her bed, dreaming of the possibilities that lie in the new day approaching. The temperature is well below freezing creating a crisp blanket of frost over a carpet of fallen leaves and dead branches. A frigid breeze flutters down from the north and cuts through my 4 layers of wool and polypro. The only sounds are those of my own footsteps crunching down on an invisible trail and the rustling of the leaves still clinging to the trees, refusing to accept the arrival of the fierce Wisconsin winter. The animals remain bunkered down, for now, and most of human civilization remains tucked into their soft beds, wrapped tightly in blankets of warm fleece and fluffy down. But not me. I am here, trudging along by the dim light of my headlamp, searching for the next landmark to reassure me that I am on the right path. I pick my knees up with each step, careful to avoid announcing my arrival to the Narnia-like forest. My rifle is woven through my arms, barrel pointing towards the earth to avoid collecting moisture in the scope. I'm starting to heat up even more so I stop to unbutton some of my layers; the more I sweat, the greater the chill when I finally get settled into my stand. I finally spot the neon pink ribbon wrapped around the base of the goliath tree where I will remain perched for Lord only knows how long; sometimes it is two hours, sometimes it is ten. I tie my rifle to the long string of 550 cord and leave it at the roots of the tree so as to keep my hands free while wriggling myself into the metal contraption that is a climbing tree stand. Once my feet are strapped in properly I begin to creep up the tree in true inch-worm like fashion until I reach the grooved carved out by my dad several months earlier to let me know when I reached the ideal height. I spin myself around, strap myself into the branches above me in case I drift off to the sleep and enjoy the best and last fall of my life, and slowly pull up the cord that will bring my weapon to my lap. And here I will sit, still and silent. Waiting.

This is what I go through every November of nearly every year. Hunting has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. Every red-blooded male in my family is borderline obsessed with the sport, to the point where I believe that they would bleed blaze orange of you cut them open. Nearly the whole state of Wisconsin shuts down during the third week of November to focus all of its time and energy on the harvest of venison and the consumption of hops and barley beverages. And this is one of my favorite times of the year....may seem kind of odd seeing how I am obviously not a red-blooded male but it's not rare for me to find myself in the company of hooting, hollering, spitting, cussing and snorting, bearded, beer- bellied, boys and loving every minute of it!

So maybe you are wondering why; why do I sacrifice my precious sleep, suffer through the sometimes unbearable chill of the predawn Midwest winter, and surround myself with burley men torqued up on the rush testosterone that deer hunting initiates? Answer: The thrill. There is little like it in the whole world; the rush of adrenaline, the racing of the heart, the feeling of victory, the harvest. There are numerous things that I do not get about the male species but this is one thing that I do. All of the cold, the sweat, the countless hours of being deceived and distracted by squirrels and the hours upon hours of waiting become worth it the second you gently squeeze the trigger and lay your prey to the ground. It is a glorious feeling that always leaves you wanting more.

As I continue to learn more and more about God on this journey, I am realizing that there is nothing on earth (besides sin) that is not a reflection of a specific aspect of His character. I believe that God has put a love for hunting into the hearts of man, not only for natural prey but for spiritual prey as well which is truth. There is something profoundly alluring about obtaining a wild creature, an animal with life and breath and a mind of its own. If deer simply walked up to your stand and fell down dead at your feet on command, it would hold little appeal. The harvest is of value because of time, effort, and energy that has been put into acquiring it. The best part is that while you can scout out land, indentify scrapes and rubs, eliminate your scent and practice your shot, you cannot control the deer itself. And so it is with the truth of God. God will always honor your efforts to pursue His will and His heart but you cannot control or manipulate Him or His truth in any way. His gives revelation in His own time, in His own way and that timing is always perfect. And when you read and pray and study and pray and ask and search and beg and cry and sing and worship and lament and praise and ask and pray and read and search and wait and listen in the cold, in the dark, in the wind, for hours and hours and finally get an answer from God - there is nothing like it in the world; the rush of adrenaline, the racing of the heart, the feeling of victory, the harvest. All of the cold, the sweat, the countless hours of being deceived and distracted by the flesh and the hours upon hours of waiting become worth it the second God lays His truth at your feet, a gift to you out of His perfect love for you.

These last couple of months I've been doing a lot of hunting for truth and answers (had to hunt for something since I had to miss deer season back home this year). God has allowed people speak truth and prophecies over me that have ignited a passion similar to that of my family's for hunting. I have been searching and praying and worshipping and singing and reading and asking and thinking and reading and studying and praying and searching and crying and lamenting and rejoicing and, and, and, and...... And after all of that I still cannot control God or make Him do things according to my schedule....hmmmm, imagine that! But it's okay. I'm glad that I serve a God who I cannot control. That is what makes the journey so exciting. That is what makes harvesting His truth so rewarding. There is no other "sport" like hunting for the heart of God. Nothing so electrifying. Nothing so satisfying. So Happy Hunting, ya'll!

Dedicated to Dad, Pa, Joshy, Grandpa Smith, the whole gang up nort (ya hey) and the farm crew.....Love you guys!

There's No Place Like Home (Video)

Fri, 27 Nov 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Things continue to be amazing here at Cicrin Children's Home on Ometepe Island!! Not so sure that I'm ready to leave in a couple of days.... God has done so much in a short period of time and I'm overflowing with gratitude for His work in all of us since our arrival! Here's a little look at the sights and the people who have captured my heart ...God Bless and ENJOY!!

http://www.cicrinus.org/

Just chill the heck out already... (video included)

Tue, 17 Nov 2009 00:00:00 GMT

(Sorry that this one's a bit wordy but I don't get many opportunities to get into town so this one will be it for awhile... Thanks for enduring! :)

Have you ever wondered if God really knows you? And if you know that He knows you, have you ever wondered if He really cares? If you are anything like me than you find it relatively easy to wrap your mind around the fact that God exists, that He is powerful and that He knows everything to be known but it is rather difficult to accept the reality of God's intimate knowledge of every individual human heart. Why would He care about me? I mean, who am I? I'm not an orphan child in a third world country and I'm no Graham Cooke or Bill Johnson. My whole life I have felt like I have existed in the middle ground in nearly every area of my life. Adequate enough to not sit the bench but never good enough to make the all-star team, exemplifying the "M" word of death - mediocrity. And if I am considered a mediocre child of God then it would make sense that He wouldn't remember me, that He wouldn't really care that much, that all of my best efforts are just not enough. As a result of all this I have often felt like my prayers bounce off the ceiling, worship a chore, and service to others an obligation. Then to add insult to injury, I remind myself that God is good and full of love and blessings, so if I am a mediocre Christian and missing the boat on things, then it has to be my fault. I must be doing something wrong. Why are other people getting it and I am not? What have I screwed up? What do I have to do get it right? What do I have to do to make God care? This has been my battle for so long, reaching an all time high in Guatemala...yay (and hooray for sarcasm).

Last month in Guatemala was definitely one of brokenness. I cried....a lot. I thought a lot. I spoke little. I worked with my hands and wrestled with my heart. I was pretty much a train-wreck and I don't recall the last time that I felt so out of control and lost for such a long period of time. I didn't want to invest any of myself into anything or anyone whatsoever. I just wanted to live inside my head and hide behind my little fortress so that I wouldn't have to appear weak or vulnerable in any way. Who appreciates weakness or vulnerability? It's messy, uncomfortable, and inconvenient to most people. But I started to realize that staying hidden behind my walls was cutting off my lifelines and while I was at peace with the needing time to process and heal, I was also growing weary by relying on my own strength to work through things. So I finally gave up and phoned a friend. His name is Jesus. If you haven't talked to Him in awhile, I would give him a ring. He's a good listener and He likes you. I also decided to grit my teeth and tell my team more of what was going inside my head. They prayed for me, God heard them and things began to change...

And just when I thought things were starting to look up.....God puts me in Nicaragua. On an island. At an orphanage. With bugs everywhere. In 90 degree humid weather. With rice and beans at every meal, everyday and only one English speaking person around. And it is stinking AMAZING!! I love it here. Not trying to make it all about me by any means but I can't imagine a better place for God to put me after last month. Everything about this place reveals to me how much God does in fact know me. He does care. We are right on Lake Nicaragua and get to watch the sunset from the shoreline every night. We have a huge open, but covered space called "the rancho" which has... wait for it ...6 hammocks! We get to love on adorable and joyful orphan kids every day - though it doesn't really feel right to call them orphans because they are so well cared for here and they have the best Daddy anyone could ever hope for! I get to play soccer nearly every afternoon after working on a preschool building that will exist to feed and teach children from the surrounding community. I get to go to a Spanish speaking church where worship music is more like a rock concert and the pastor wears himself out by speaking freedom and truth over every individual in his congregation. I get to drink real brewed coffee instead of the instant stuff that I always make too strong. I get to run. I get to play. I get to dance. I get to swim in a huge fresh water lake that is shallow enough for my midget legs to touch the bottom!! Basically, God has put me in a place that is bringing life into my soul, a place that reminds of who I am and what I was created to do. He brought me to a place where I get let myself off the hook and just chill the heck out (exactly what Mike Paschall told me God said I needed to do).

So, have all of my doubts and fears melted away now? No. Do I feel like a rockin' awesome Christian now? Um, no. However, I'm learning that I don't have to have to do all of these crazy things for God to love me. Others may tell me that I am mediocre in my faith and I may convince myself that I am mediocre in my faith, but God isn't convinced. He looks at me and says, "Yeah, that's my girl. She loves me and she wants me more than anything in the whole world and she's doing everything that she can to please me. She prays even when she thinks I'm not listening and she walks by faith rather than sight. She is right where I want her to be and holy cow, I'm crazy about her! ....assuming of course that God says things like holy cow.... I'm learning to listen to and believe the words that God says about me and reject the lies of the world, the flesh and the devil. It doesn't mean that the struggle is over but it does mean that I'm a little bit further along than I was last month. That is what matters.

Here's my first attempt at making an actual video thing.....it's a little rough but lots of people got to say Hi to my mom so it's worth it! PS.... after going through the whole process of making and downloading this video I realized that I had a typo and spelled the name of the orphanage wrong. Way to go me! It's actually spelled Cicrin, pronounced "sik-rin". Lo siento amigos :(

I Guate new video!

Sat, 7 Nov 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Hey All! Just thought that I's share a video with you that Kelsi Dawe from Team 180 made! Our two teams were paired up for the month and had an amazing time working and worshiping together. Here's a look at a typical day for us:

Post Guatemala Wrap Up

Sat, 7 Nov 2009 00:00:00 GMT

We are now on our way out of Guatemala and headed for our next ministry site in Nicaragua. I am still in shock that the first month is over and we are now on to the second! It has gone by so fast.....was I really in Antigua for 4 weeks or was it just a really long dream? It has been a roller coaster of a month. So much has happened in such a short amount of time and I'm finding it quite difficult to put it all into words. I'll give you a run down of some of the highlights:

I became an aunt!! Ethan Isaac Johnson was born on October 31st at 7:42PM and weighed in at 8 pounds 10 ounces and measuring 20 inches long. Both baby and momma are home and doing well and Daddy (my brother) is ecstatic! I am incredibly proud and excited for this new little life that God has blessed us with. And though it broke my heart to have to miss that special day, I know that holding him in my arms for the first time is going to be a sweet and beautiful moment! I love you Joshy & Lisa!

On a sadder note, it was very hard to say goodbye to our team leader Christine. After a great deal of prayer, Christine decided that she needed to go back home to Texas and return to her high school coaching job. She has been and will continue to be a great source of strength, comfort, and encouragement to me and my team. I love you Christine and will thinking of you and praying for you all the time!

We have a new team leader and a new team name! With Christine leaving Brad has now stepped into the position of team leader and we were asked to come up with a new name. We are no longer Hot Mess but have now embraced the title: Team REV 217. Our entire team was inspired by Revelation 2:17 which reads: "To him who overcomes, to him I will give some of the hidden manna, and I will give him a white stone, and a new name written on the stone which no one knows but he who receives it." We all could agreed that we dug the idea of hidden manna since we have some hungry people on our team, spiritually and physically (love you Will). We also love that God gives new names to those who are stepping into a new season in their walk with Him. At just 5 members we are Team REV217!

Physically it has been really rough month for me. I don't think that I was operating at full health for more than a quarter of the time that we were in Antigua. If it wasn't a cold, it was a friendly neighborhood parasite, and if it wasn't that it was the Guatemalan version of Domino's Pizza stepping in to wreck our systems. Good times let me tell you. We're all pretty sick of being sick so we are praying that Nicaragua will be a lot kinder to our poor bellies.

Emotionally, I had a tough time as well. Every Racer is asked to award a great amount of trust to people you barely know. It is not a bad thing at all, but I guess I never really realized how much trouble I have trusting others. Again, something that I did not expect to struggle with. As a result, I have spent a great deal of time in silence and preferring solitude to social gatherings. Totally not the norm for me but I am making peace with the fact that I need this time to sit back and learn from others, to reflect on where I've been and where I'm going and also to allow God the time and space to heal my wounds. I also know that while there is great fun to be had and amazing memories to me made on this trip, that is not why God called me here. He called me on this journey so that I could finally abandon my distractions and defenses and allow Him the access to my heart that I have denied Him for far too long; to pursue His heart deeper than I ever have before; to give blessings and to receive them; to heal and be healed; to love and let myself be loved. God Bless!

My Pal the Parasite

Sat, 31 Oct 2009 00:00:00 GMT

+ =

I think this about sums it up

(PS... Don't ever, EVER search Google images for pictures of parasites!)

Places and Faces of Guatemala (Video)

Sun, 25 Oct 2009 00:00:00 GMT

I hope that this will give you a sample of the beauty and brokenness that exists all around us in Guatemala...

Roses and runny noses

Sun, 25 Oct 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Theses last couple of weeks have been full of just about everything that you could imagine....I've been sick. I've been healthy. I've been happy. I've been heart broken. I've been tired. I've been full of energy. I've been busy. I've been at rest. I've been thoughtful. I've been brain dead! :) But it is so very good!!

In my sickness I took several doses of Tylenol and a large dose of humility. At home I took pride in the fact that I almost never got sick. I only took one sick day from work in 3 years and I was pretty confident that I would be just as immune here. Not so much. I felt miserable and cried and definitely wanted my mom. But the support that my team showed me was incredible and for the first time in a long time, I didn't feel shameful in allowing someone else take care of me. There was nothing but grace and I didn't feel like I was being weak or a hindrance. It was not easy to receive their grace or even give it to myself because I am so used to the "No, I'm fine-I can do it-I don't need help mentality." But it is so much better to just let people love on you and to let yourself off the hook. You don't always have to be a hero. It's exhausting and it pushes people away in the end. So let love and snot run! :)

After a full day of rest and recovery, I was back on my feet and had the opportunity to go up into one of the villages to deliver a new water filter. It was one of the BEST days that I have had in Guatemala. It was nothing over the top or wild that made it so great. Quite the opposite really. It was the simplicity of it that really touched me. Our little group installed the new filter and when we were finished I noticed the marigolds growing in a corner of their home area. As I started to take pictures one of the women approached me and asked if I liked the flowers and encouraged me to smell them. Seeing that I enjoyed the flowers, she broke several off the branches and handed them over to me as a gift. But it didn't stop there. Minutes later the woman's 15 year old daughter Dorlea came over, eager to show me the garden that she and her mother had worked on. She asked me which colors I like the most then picked ALL of the flowers that were in bloom. She told me that that her favorite flower was a rose and then walked into the house and gave me the only open rose that she owned. Their giving was genuine. Their love was real. Their gift was precious. They gave the best of what they had, not just their extras. They live in a house with walls made of cane stalks and dirt floors. They have little but they give and love so much. They get it. I still have so much to learn. God Bless!

"Rockin out" in Antigua

Wed, 14 Oct 2009 00:00:00 GMT

For the past two days we have been diving into our ministry projects.Through our contacts Carol and Forrest we were linked up with a man named Levi. Levi is from Florida and he just purchased a lot of "land" on the outskirts of Antigua. I say "land" because it s pretty much a rocky/cemented area that was previously used to store buses and now has hardly anything in it. He is planning on remodeling the site and turning it into an area where he can store building materials for the houses he constructs for locals who are in need. Part of the site will also house future missionaries. Our task was to dig a ditch about 2 feet deep across the site so that he can install cables for electricity and pipes for plumbing. We were all pretty excited about this task until we got in there and discovered that the ground was consisted of straight rock, concrete, ceramic and chunks of brick with the occasional pocket of actual dirt. Not to mention that the ditch was about a 150 feet long. We tried shovels at first but that wasn't cutting it....literally....because shovels don't really go through concrete very well...so we relied heavily on the pick axes, which we broke two of. Add in the noon day sun and we came to the agreement that it was some of the most physically intense labor that we had ever done. It was so cool though to watch everyone work together to complete such a difficult task. The guys (Brad, Mike, Josh, and Sean) all deserve honorable mention for working so hard despite the multiple blisters that resulted in having to work without gloves for a couple of hours. (Will rocked it out today, always stepping in when someone was getting winded or their blisters ripped open.) At the end of the two days we were able to look on our work with pride, knowing that we had truly accomplished something. We later learned that had we not been there Levi would have had to do the entire thing by himself which would have taken some time considering it took 9 people nearly 6 hours to do it, excluding breaks.

I loved it though. It was so nice to get physically wrecked instead of emotionally wrecked, The last couple of days have been pretty tough and I'm doing my best to work through a lot of different things. I felt that our project today was the perfect analogy for how God must feel at times. I believe that He sees my hearts and wants so badly to do a good work in it but because of my sins and the sins of others, I have a lot of cement, rocks and bricks layered around my heart. God has set out to break up those layers and get to the softer parts of my hearts where He can lay down a better foundation; so that He can give power and light and life. It is hard work for Him at times, not because He gets tired but because the process can be painful and I am reluctant to let him Him do it. I become afraid of what is buried there; afraid what will be discovered and if that will somehow disqualify me from His love or cause other people to misunderstand or reject me. But thankfully God is relentless and even though it hurts and I have trouble trusting both Him and the people around me, He is showing me that He has good things in store and that He is working things out even when I am unaware of it. Part of His provision has been to place me with the perfect group of people. My team and my squad has been so wonderfully supportive, loving, patient and encouraging; proving themselves to be all that they claim to be. As the layers of wall get broken apart, they step in and help heal my wounds with their prayers, their hugs and their gracious love. I am so thankful for all of it because I am determined to get this stuff worked out and experience freedom in every area of my life. I want NOTHING holding me back from what God has for me! Every day I must recognize that He is God and I am not and willingly offer up my heart to be broken and restored as he sees fit.

PS. Fun facts about Guatemala - You are not allowed to flush toilet paper down the toilet at all and the buses (aka chicken buses) are all brightly colored to indicate where they go since a vast majority of the population cannot read.

And then I woke up in Guatemala

Fri, 9 Oct 2009 00:00:00 GMT

I, as well as our entire squad, have arrived safe and sound in Guatemala! Right now are staying the city of Antigua for Launch and let me tell that I have had several "you are not in Kansas anymore Dorothy" moments. The city is alive and always buzzing with people and more motorcycles than you have ever seen in your life...unless you've been to Sturgis that is. But you are unlikely to see a woman holding a baby while riding on the back of a bike at Sturgis. Every day I am amazed at the smells that flow from the local restaurants and the phrase "I want to eat that smell" has been uttered multiple times. People, places, and things are all smaller down here as well. I feel like I fit right in height wise. You can barely walk side by side with someone on the sidewalks and the shops here are about the size my parents' bathroom at home. But is also amazing how friendly everyone is. The local people always smile and greet you with a "Buenos Dias" or an "hola." It's also neat to see how the people dress; a mixture of local and modern styles, both being perfectly acceptable. I have also noticed that most of the men are very well groomed here, hair always combed, shirts tucked in and nice jeans, and the women are almost always seen with children on their backs, in their arms or in their bellies. There are pregnant women everywhere! J It makes sense though because there always people making out on park benches or in doorways...mostly teenagers so I guess things are so much different from the states in that regard. But in general people are very affectionate, always hugging, holding hands, or giving handshakes - very different from the states where people have their personal bubbles and are paranoid about catching the swine flu. Oh and just to ease your mind (mom especially) it is pretty safe here; other tourists have warned that they have had their bags cut but that has been the worst of it. We always travel in groups or pairs and keep an eye out for each other so we all feel pretty comfortable.

That being said, I'm surprised at how comfortable I feel here. I thought that I would have some serious culture shock but it really hasn't happened. It probably has to do with the fact that we still have running water, electricity and actual beds, though most of us haven't worked up the courage to sleep under the covers yet. That and the stores still carry many of the same products that you could find at Wal-Mart. I think that I might feel some withdrawal symptoms when those things are no longer available. Some people are going to have to deal with go through that much sooner than me because we have just gotten our ministry assignments and many teams are literally going out into the jungle areas to work with the remote villages building churches and doing door to door evangelism. They will have to live in their tents, have no running water or electricity and there is a good chance that in order to communicate they will have to translate from English to Spanish to the local language. Our team and Team 180 will be staying here in Antigua and living in the same hostel we are staying in right now. We will mostly be assisting a dentist (not sure what that will look like yet) and doing manual labor to install water filtration systems since the water here is infested with parasites. We are all praying we can avoid having one of these little critters take up residence in our digestive systems - I hear its not a pretty picture. Many of local people either develop the necessary bacteria to fight against it or they just stay sick all the time since they can't afford the necessary medical treatment. I'm really looking forward to getting out there, getting my hands dirty and helping the local community see that there are people out there who care about the things that cause them pain and stress. It will hopefully open doors to speak to them about the love of God and the hope that He brings.

We will be starts our ministries here in the next day or so and in the mean time we have gotten to do some pretty amazing things to get us prepared. We have had fulfilling worship times together and also had the opportunity to hike up an active volcano! The climax of the event involved eating marshmallows that were toasted over lava! The marshmallows here are all multicolored, flavored and very, very tasty! Oh and they are not kidding when they say that the rocks are sharp - one stumble and I sliced open both of my palms - just call me Grace! The view from the volcano was totally worth the blood and sweat though. It was absolutely breathtaking with all of the mountains and villages tucked up in the valleys. I loved it! For those you who got to sign my shirt, I just wanted you to know that your name has been on the top of a volcano in Guatemala and I will continue to do my best to take you to every cool place I can!

PS. I totally found Wisconsin Cheese in the Super Mercado (Market) today! Made my heart happy!

FOR THE CHALLENGE ACADEMY CREW - SNOOPY AT THE MIAMI AIRPORT!!

Birthday Bloggin' baby!

Sat, 3 Oct 2009 00:00:00 GMT

I'm sitting here this dreary, rainy, cold and windy morning and by all rights I should be feeling sad, depressed, and anxious. Why? One - The weather. Two - It's my 25^th Birthday so I am officially a quarter of a century old. Three - I have to say goodbye to all of my friends and family today. Four - I put on my favorite jeans and realized that eating all the smores pop tarts and pizza I want is starting to catch up with me...

I will admit that in the past I would have a tendency to get depressed on my birthday - the thought of getting older and taking note of all the people who forgot about it would just get to me and I would usually sulk for the half the day. Sad story.....um pathetic is more like it. But here's what I have finally learned....Birthdays are days for celebrating because it is the day that God chose to bring you into this world and I believe that we celebrate because He celebrates. All of these years I spent stressing about my age and what I had or had not accomplished and who actually cared and I thought little of the fact that God always remembers every detail of our birthdays and our lives. That and the very fact that you are alive that day is a gift. The God of universe created me and YOU and He did it with great care and love and joy! YOU are God's gift to the world! Have you ever looked at it like that? God is the giver of all good things so when He gave you to the world it was and still is a GOOD thing! God doesn't make junk, He makes all things beautiful! So when it's your Birthday live it up and celebrate with the Father who knows the exact number of hairs on your head and loves you more than you can fathom.

Psalm 139: 13-18

You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
      and knit me together in my mother's womb.
Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
      Your workmanship is marvelous-how well I know it.
You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
      as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
You saw me before I was born.
      Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
   Every moment was laid out
      before a single day had passed.

How precious are your thoughts about me,O God.
      They cannot be numbered
I can't even count them;
      they outnumber the grains of sand!
   And when I wake up,
      you are still with me!

I also put together a list of the Top Ten Signs Your Twenties are Half Over:

10. People stop asking how old you are because they don't really care anymore.

9. You can't sleep in past 8:30 even when you want to.

8. You finally forgive that girl in high school that made your life hell for four solid years and you stop wanting to be just like her.

7. Your parents start nagging you about grandkids even if you are not married.

6. You now go places in sweat pants and no make up and truly don't care what anyone thinks... as long as you don't end up on peopleofWal-Mart. com.

5. You start finding random hairs and freckles where they are not supposed to be. Sorry for the gross out but it's true...

4. You start looking forward to getting up early on Saturdays to get the "good stuff" at yard sales.

3. Everyone around you is now having, talking about and/or obsessed with babies.

2. You realize just how right your parents are about, well....everything so you start calling them for advice on, well....everything.

1. YOU CAN FINALLY RENT A CAR!!

In sum, I just have to say that I'm excited about what the 25th year will hold. I can't wait to see what God has in store and I will not look back on the past with longing because I know that the best years of my life are yet to come. Oh yeah!

Shout Out to the Academy

Fri, 2 Oct 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Many of you reading this know that I have been working at the Wisconsin Challenge Academy for the last 3 years. And you have also probably heard me brag about how much I love(d) working there. Sure, it can be very stressful and frustrating at times and there are days wen you want to pull all your hair out but that is to be expected when working with head strong teenagers! :) Working there has been one of the best experiences of my life and I wouldn't trade the sweat, the tears and the joys for anything else! I have had the opportunity to change lives and to be changed myself, to challenge and to be challenged, to love and to be loved. Not many people get the the blessing of having that experience at their job. I recently learned of a quote that I think is perfect, "Family are not the ones with whom you share your blood, but those for whom you would shed your blood." The Academy is part of my family. I am going to miss every person and every part of it...except walking down to the schoolhouse in the middle of a blizzard in February!

For my Academy family reading this, I love you and miss you all already. Thank you for everything that you have done for me, for loving me like a daughter, a sister, and a friend. I will be thinking about you and praying for you often! And rest assured that Snoppy is going wtih me everywhere! :)

For anyone who has no idea what the Academy is, I created a little slide show that will hopefully give you an idea of what life if like there and why it means so much to me. Be warned though...it was my very first attempt at making a slide show and I just figured out vimeo so it's a little rough...

In Jail or Just Visiting?

Sat, 5 Sep 2009 00:00:00 GMT

The weeks and days are winding down quickly as we get closer and closer to our launch date. Like toilet paper, the closer you get to the end the faster it goes! J We still don't have the exact day we ship out but it's coming soon and I truly can't wait to be reunited with my team Hot Mess and the entire L-Squad!! I have felt some pretty intense separation anxiety very since we parted ways after Training Camp. We got pretty attached after just 10 days and it just reassures me that God handpicked each one of us to be on this Race together. I have no doubts in my mind that I am supposed to be on this trip, with this group of people, going to these eleven countries. Knowing that you are in the will of God is truly an AMAZING place to be!!

There is flip side to that as well. When you are where God wants you to be, the enemy starts to get angry because you are a threat....and he is relentless in his attempts to distract you, drag you down, and defeat you. When I first got back from camp I was on a two week emotional honeymoon, still feeling all the energy, excitement, and anticipation. I could still hear the voice God so clearly and feel His presence everywhere I went. But it slowly began to fade out as the same old lies started being whispered in my ear again: "Spirit filled living isn't real - this is all there is." "Those words of love are empty." "You're not very strong and God is disappointed with you." "You are not very good at your job - they will be so much happier with your replacement." "You should just keep quiet - people don't really care about what you have to say." "You are nothing special - just give it up." "You are failing."

I'd love to say that it's easy to dismiss these lies and claim the peace and joy that is given to the children of the Most High God - but I can't say that.

It is hard. Very hard. I have believed these lies for years and only recently learned that lies are exactly what they are. It has been challenging to cast these thoughts away and remind myself of who I am in Christ. It is even more difficult when things in life (and relationships) are falling apart left

and right. One example (of many): Went down to Madison to get a bunch of gear needed for the Race (got a brand new Arc'Teryx pack for $60 through Craigslist - total steal!!). Halfway back home the transmission went out on my car and it wouldn't (and still won't) shift out of first gear. We had to drive 35 mph the last 50 miles of the trip home and selling the car is now going to be nothing short of a miracle. Coincidence? I think not!

Here is the beautiful part: Satan is relentless in his attacks but God is even more relentless in His love. God will never give up on us, even when we give up on ourselves. He gives us a lifetime supply of Get Out of Jail Free cards, offers us Free Parking whenever we are in need of rest, and fills our bank account (with blessings) so we can survive the trek down Pennsylvania Avenue and Park Place (the hard blocks of life that leave us broke.) And watch out because he might just give you $200 for passing Baltic Ave as well as Go simply because He wants to. Satan might be managing the properties right now but God made the game and all the pieces. He loves His Creation so much that he chose to die for it. For me. For you. He died so that we might walk joyfully and righteously with Him in this life and the next. He rose to life again to give us purpose when we feel small and insignificant like a thimble; to restore us when we feel worn out like an old leather shoe; to welcome us in when feel mangy and rejected like a wet dog; to give us warmth when our irons have gone cold; to bring us home when our ship is lost at sea; to give us hope when our little car breaks down....

I'm not exactly sure where this whole Monopoly metaphor came from but in keeping with the whole theme I'll say my last piece: The game is tough right now. I feel like I'm on Boardwalk and the hotels keep building up, draining my stash of cash and energy. But I will not GoTo Jail. I've been there (spiritually) and it sucks! And I will not quit the game. I refuse to pack up my pieces and go home. Satan is defeated.
God is victorious. Satan is a liar.
God is love. Game over!

What's on your to-do list?

Thu, 27 Aug 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Here was my to-do list for the day.....I'd say I was pretty productive

Oversleep

Throw up breakfast

Watch same video 7 times in a row

Donate half my paycheck to Sallie Mae

Have friendly debate about salvation by grace vs works

Return call to a mom who always has the same question

Contemplate quitting my job earlier than Sept. 25^th

Leave lights on in car and kill the battery

Try to take short peaceful nap and fail

Burn rice in attempt to make dinner

Waste on hour of life watching mindless TV

Check Steep and Cheap for the 50^th time

Burst into tears in the middle of Wal-Mart

Promise myself to only eat 3 Oreos then eat one more

Wonder why I can't seem to hear God anymore

Feel inadequate and overwhelmed

Receive a letter in the mail from teammate with words from God

Realize God hasn't left me at all and never will

Burst into tears again

Want to know what God said? I'll gladly share it! :)

Jessica,
Thank you for taking step of faith and taking this journey with me. I love you; you are my beloved! I know there are things right now that you are just beginning to see, but continue being faithful to me. Remember that I will always be faithful to you. Never believe the lie that I love you less than anyone else. I have you here for a reason; a calling only you can fulfill. Commit to this journey of life with me, and I will continue to share more and more of me along the way. I know every thought, every heartache, every question; know that I understand! My beautiful love, do you know how much I treasure every moment we spend together? I am with you, all the way. Your Beloved Jesus

(Thank you so much Nicole! The timing was pefect. I love you dearly! )

God loves argyle

Sun, 23 Aug 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Dear Brian,
I hope that you find this to be an accurate retelling of your story. Thank you so much for allowing me to share it. You are in my heart and prayers and I will never forget what God did that day! God bless and much love!
Jessica

Not more than an hour after my encounter with Carlos , God decided that he was going to have a little more fun in the Airport that afternoon....

I'm walking towards my gate and spot a black t-shirt with a pink and gray argyle design. Instantly I am reminded of a vision of argyle that one of teammates saw two days before (nothing had come of it at the time). I walk over and look at the shirts. Am I supposed to buy one? Um....for $25 I don't think so....I need to spend wisely. They were pretty rock star though so it was hard to say turn down. I continue on to my gate.

Sitting there, minding my own business and the intense anxiety I felt earlier starts to well up inside me once again. My foot starts to shake like crazy and when that gets to me too much I begin to rock back and forth....apparently this is God's cue to me that I am supposed to talk to someone. Not every inconspicuous is it? The words "leg pain" come to mind. I work up the courage and ask the two women next to me if they are currently experiencing any leg pain.

"Uh, no. Why do you ask?"
"No reason, just wondering."

I guess neither of them are the one. God show me who.

Minutes later a man walks up and gets in line at the gate counter. He is talking on his cell and just happens to be wearing a blue and gray shirt with argyle print down the front. It's him. He is the one. The feeling of anxiety gets even stronger as I continue to watch him. He boards the plane in group 4. I have to wait for group 6.

"Okay God, if my seat ends up being right next to this man, I am going to seriously flip out!"

My group is called. I board the plane. I keep my eyes fixed on the seat numbers, looking for mine. 11F - window seat. Right next to the man in argyle!!

"Holy Crap! Is this for real?!?! I can't believe that this is actually happening to me! God, you're amazing!"

I look at the man and pardon myself as I take my seat next to him, barely containing my laughter and excitement. The man has no idea what's coming.....and neither do I, but I know it's gonna be good!

I jump right into a conversation with him (the feeling of anxiety in my stomach is uncomfortable and I want it to ease.) We start to talk about phones and make other small talk but thanks to the Race it doesn't take long to start talking about God and faith. I learn that his name is Brian and he lives in Chicago. He grew up Catholic and believes in God. He was the only Catholic in his school and didn't receive much grace from the other students but he still has his faith and seeks to do good in the world. I begin talking more about God's perfect planning and ask him a question:

"Do you want me to freak you out?"
"Yeah! Freak me out!"

He is excited. His heart for adventure shines in his blue eyes. I tell him the sequence of events starting with my teammate's vision of argyle two days prior and bring him up to the present moment. He is intrigued.

"Oh by the way, are you experiencing any leg pain?"

His eyes widen with amazement.

"I have pain in my leg right now! Due to problems with my sciatic nerve I have pain in my left leg all the time. If effects the way that I walk and the way I sit; everything I do."
"God knows you. He knows your pain and He wants to heal you. Before the end of this flight we are going to pray for God to heal you. Do you want God to heal you?"
"Yes, I do."

We continue to talk for the rest of the 2 hours flight. The time flies by. Brian is easy to talk to. Open. Warm. Sincere. Loving. He thinks of others more than he does himself.
Our plane begins to descend and he reminds me that we still need to pray for him.

"Do you want to pray now or wait until we get off the plane?"

He grabs my hand in answer to my question. We pray and as we are praying I realize that I don't think I have ever wanted something so bad for someone else in my whole life. Everything in me wants to see him healed so that he can go and live in peace. Energy flow from my hand into his. "Oh God, please make this happen."

We finish praying, exchange contact information and get up to exit the plane. As he walks he says that it does feel better. As he waits for his friend at the gate he says,"God loves you." "God loves you, my friend."

We go our separate ways but I am quite sure that we are on the same journey.

Aladdin? Seriously?

Wed, 12 Aug 2009 00:00:00 GMT

I tried so hard to think of a deep and profound way to share what I experienced during Training Camp in Gainesville....but alas the right words have eluded me. So I called on some old friends!

Watch this clip.

AFTER watching the Clip, read more below.

Although I identified most with the Genie, I could relate with all three main characters at different points during the week. Initially I was like Aladdin and had to finally stop pretending to be something and someone that I wasn't. I had to admit that I was poor, broken, and in need of love and grace. Later, like Jasmine, I was told that I had the ability to choose. Choose between the way things have always been or a new and radically different life with God. I chose God. I chose His way over my own. I chose His love over the ways of the world. Then finally, because of Jesus' sacrifice and love, I experienced freedom. True freedom. For the first time in my life. Chains broken. And I am off to see the world.... a whole new world!

Carlos

Wed, 12 Aug 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Do you like fast food? Most people have a personal fav.... Grande Burritos, Big Macs, Frosties, etc. That's cool and everything but in all honestly, I'm not a big fan of fast food... mostly because of my substandard metabolism. That being said, I was not too happy that on the day we were dropped off at the airport to return home from camp, I had few other options than to eat at the Burger King by my gate. I order my sandwich and sat at a table by myself. I figure I'll just chill out and get some processing done in my overactive noodle. God had other plans. As I'm sitting there contemplating how much my life had changed, God showed me just what living by the Spirit looks like. I take notice of a guy sitting by himself, scribbling something in a notebook.

Go talk to him.

Um......I don't want to. What I am supposed to say? That's weird. People don't just do that. Especially at the airport. Come on God! What's the deal?
Talk to him.
Um.....still not sure.... are you really sure it's him you want me to talk to?
Yes. He's the one. Go talk to him.

I sit and wait for the right opportunity. My stomach starts to clench. It feels much like being extremely nervous but stronger and more purposeful. My body can't handle the energy so I being to rock in my chair and shake my foot. I took like a complete freak. Who but a crazy person rocks back and forth at a table in Burger King? The urgency gets stronger.

Okay God. I'll talk to him but could you have someone come over that needs to sit down so that I can offer them my seat and have an excuse to sit by this man and talk?

(Rewind two days ago. I repeatedly hear God saying to me "Give." One of the women at the camp was selling hand made goods that were created by women in Swaziland as a means of establishing a reliable and safe income. I bought an elaborate table runner and a T-shirt. I was wearing the T-shirt and had the runner in my carry on. )

Minutes after my prayer, a man walks over searching for a place to sit. Immediately I offer up my chair and ask to sit at the other man's table. He says yes without hesitation. We talk about computers and what not and I discover that he is from Brazil and was just in the states for training and that he also attended the Christian leadership summit at the Willow Creek Church. He says that he got to hear Bono and many other speakers; he was just taking notes on how he wanted to communicate this new information to his friends, family and church back in Brazil.

You are amazing!

It's just the beginning.

We talk some more and he brings up the horrors of what is going on in Africa but also the beauty, creativity, resiliency of the people there. He says that if people were more willing to teach trades and invest time then just send money, the continent would fare much better.

Give.
Do you want him to have it?

Yes.

I reach into my carry on and hand him the table runner.

"God wants you to have this....as a reminder of your desire to go to Africa!"

Carlos smiles. He is gracious and humble and kind. He says it is beautiful. He is right. We talk more and exchange contact information. Carlos. My Brazilian brother who will change the face of Africa and help heal the land.
Carlos sent this picture of the runner in his house in Brazil!

Lamentations of Jere---

Wed, 15 Jul 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Lamentations of ~~Jeremiah~~ Jessica

We all have things in this world that really bring us down. Sometimes we whine and complain and it really isn't that big of a deal and we just need to clean up the milk and stop crying about it. Other times there are things that truly cause our hearts to break and we feel the pain in the depths of our soul. One of way of coping is sharing our feelings, Jeremiah wrote a whole book of Lamentations and here are few of mine....

Why is it that when I get up to go to the bathroom during a movie, upon returning the
person next to me leans over and says, "Oh man, You just missed the best part!"

Why do unhealthy foods have to taste so good? Maybe if they made ice cream onion- flavored it would be a whole lot easier to turn down...

          Why do I have to kill my car battery nearly every month? And why does it always happen
               when I'm in a hurry or miles from home, leaving me at the mercy of the mustached man
               with an exposed beer belly who feels obliged to point out that "yer tahrs are gittin' kinda
               low in da back end der and ya shud prolly git yer alternater checked out too."

Why does it seem like most people who work for the government hate their jobs....
and why do they feel it necessary to take it out on everybody else?

          Why do so many people see singleness as horrifying as cancer? They look at you with
               sad, pitiful eyes and then go on a crusade to "cure" you with by praying for your condition
               and suggesting set ups....Oh and if one more person asks me why I am always the brides-
               maid and never the bride....I might freak out like those people who work for the government.

And what island have all the good godly men been hiding on anyway? I'd like to send them
a post card saying "Olly Olly Oxen Free...."

Why do doctors give out pills for everything when most people just need a hug?

Why do most secular books, movies, and TV shows portray Christians as over-bearing,
controlling, narrow-minded, unintelligent, judgmental, boring, or nerdy?

          Why do commercials likethis even exist? And more importantly, why are 95% of the posts
               underneath it defending its existence? Seriously? It feels as though society no longer
               believes that women are good for anything besides sexual gratification and selling products.
               It gives me that sick sinking feeling in my heart.

          Why does society abhor the teaching of Christian doctrines in the public school system
               and yet say nothing about the sexualization of children, glorification of drug and alcohol
               abuse and violence, immediate gratification, and materialism that has infiltrated and now
               dominates all forms of media and entertainment?

          Why do I have to file reports to intake workers about once a month regarding the abuse
               that my students have experienced? Why was no one there to protect them and why is
               justice rarely ever seen in this life?

Why is the secular world (Bono, Angelina Jolie, American Idol) doing more about the
HIV/AIDS in Africa crisis than the church?

Why couldn't I have cared about this much sooner? I could have done so much more....
Now that I care more, why have I still not done more?

It is hard knowing what should be and seeing that it is not. Therefore, I lament
............however...........

"Why are you in despair O my soul?" There is HOPE!

"And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, Behold, the tabernacle of God is among men, and He will dwell among them, and they shall be His people and God himself will be among them and He will wipe away every tear from their eyes and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer by any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away.' And He who sits on the throne said, Behold, I am making all things new," And He said, Write, for these words are faithful and true.'" Revelation 21:3-5